Mind flights
*TRIGGER WARNING: sexual assault/ trauma*
More often than not, trips show up
on our life’s porch
as one of the greatest gifts.
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It’s true, sights and feelings are amazing parts of being when you are experiencing them at the moment they’re happening.
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But for some people, sometimes,
their minds take flights
that they’re not even aware they’re on
until they’re already on the plane,
amongst the clouds,
feeling the turbulence.
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There’s no iced cranberry juice
excuse for r and r
fluttery, bubbly anticipation
for toes in the sand,
ski slopes,
or touristy adventures.
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Because these are the kind
that leave you strapped to your seat
gripping the arm rest
frightened by those sitting nearby
even if they’re a trusted friend,
sibling,
or significant other
who’s always asked for consent.
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These are the kind where you wonder
why people book flights in the first place
These are the kind
where instead of landing
at a peachy destination
your minds pilot decides to drop you off
in the middle of a war zone.
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You wake up gripping your sheets
your t-shirt sweaty
whispering those words
you wish you had screamed
while pushing him off of you.
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Sometimes,
you’re on the right flight
but you never take off
sometimes,
you can’t even get out of the damn runway.
your seatbelt is on
your carry on is in the overhead department
but as each moment passes,
the pilot makes empty promises for departure.
you look down the aisle, eyeing the exit,
quietly planning your escape route
but the air in the aisles is so congested
that you can’t even move a limb.
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your friends are sitting next to you
colored expressions nestled on their cheek
and even though you’re on the same flight
their pilots are more predictable.
even though you’re within 2 inches
it feels like you’re worlds apart.
because your pilot has taken you somewhere where your body isn’t
your pilot has taken you to a deserted island that only has one visitor.
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The forgiving silver lining
about being a passenger who takes mind flights
is
once you’ve landed at a desirable destination
you’re standing on indescribable terrain.
your enjoyable trips
contrast so intensely with your war zone trips and non-trips.
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Your toes sink into the sand the same time as your close ones do
the gentle wind embraces your face
you can smell the salty coastal air
and feel the sunshine kissing your cheeks
as you take in the sight of the cascading waves crashing upon the shore.
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The forgiving truth
about being someone who takes mind flights is as time goes on
you’ll reach a point where
the mind flights become less frequent.
more and more of the desirable trips fill your agenda
and eventually
one day
you’ll go back to having an agenda
that consists mainly of flights
where you land
somewhere
that allows your body to come along.
you’ll reach a point where you know
that none of your trips are going to be
a complete getaway.
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But that most of them will definitely be worth booking the flight.
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