I kept looking back into the bowl
to see if she was in fact dead. To see if somehow, there was someway she had just been resting for an extended period of time only to awake to her usual swimmy, rose- colored self within a matter of minutes. I only had Hummy for a month but somehow it’s been harder to let go of her than I thought it would be. Premature death seems to be the fate of many fish purchased at pet stores and although this one didn’t hit as hard as when I was 11 and lost my first fish, a tear-jerker to say the least, it’s been meaningful nonetheless. Hummy was the first pet that Danny and I picked out together and although I couldn’t play with or touch her, she kept me company during nights where he wasn’t around. That was special to me, but I held on too long. Hummy’s death made me think of other situations in my life where I’ve held on too long. My job at Vtopia, staying at St. Mary’s Academy, my high school relationships, several friendships. Once you get used to something it’s hard not to do so. Humans are creatures of habit and we thrive off of the status quo. Hummy, you weren’t around for long, but thank you for reminding me to know when to let go. To know that no matter how many times I look back into the bowl of life, even if something just appears to be lying dormant, if it has stopped adding color and livelihood to my life, it’s time to let go. This experience has also made me think about the that fact that there are many things in my life that I’m very glad I’ve held on to- my passion for writing, dance, the outdoors, my relationship with my family and Danny, my friendships, and much more. I think of these all as fish in the sea of my life- but I’m pretty damn sure they’ll keep swimming.
