No, I didn’t fight back
If you looked,
you wouldn’t of found
my scratch marks covering his skin
the next day
or his cold blood
looming beneath my finger nails.
No, I didn’t fight back
because I was a deer in the headlights that night
after all
he drove my shuttle bus for months
was a tree hugger who watched me break down
after the first blow
and said it wasn’t my fault
but suggested I take Krav Maga lessons
to protect myself from future potential assailants.
because he had a sweet girlfriend
who taught yoga
and owned an organic fruit and vegetable farm.
No, I didn’t fight back
because I froze instead
a small rabbit playing dead
in the tracks of a blood thirsty fox.
No, I didn’t fight back
because he was twice my size
and who knows what he would’ve done
had I challenged his masculinity
as fragile as a moon colored feather.
No, I didn’t fight back
no, I wasn’t sober
and for fucks sake,
yes I know it happened.
when glass shatters
the pieces often end up all over the floor
and my fingers have been bleeding
for months
as I’ve tried to pick them up.
thanks to him
there is blueprint recorded in my bones
that will remain until the day that I die.
no I didn’t leave right afterwards,
and no, I don’t know exactly why.
and no, that doesn’t mean I approved of it
accepted it
and I sure as hell didn’t want it.
No, I didn’t fight back
but yes, I wish I had.
No, I didn’t fight back
But yes, I am
fighting back.
In daring to love
after someone took my trust
and masqueraded
manipulation as admiration.
My lover doesn’t wear a mask,
it’s bare skin from now on.
No, I didn’t fight back,
and no,
he can’t use that against me anymore.
–I may have been the rabbit then, but I refuse to play dead.
